Should I be afraid??

Last week while I was in the Emergency room I was approached by students who have to do surveys and they need as many people as they can get. I told them I didn't mind answering their questions. They ended up being pretty basic questions. Was I scared? What was I there for? Could the hospital have done more for me? Was I comfortable? Then some stuff about my childhood like if I was abused or spent a lot of time in the hospital. There was one question that honestly has be thinking still. And I think you guys need to read about it. 

Are you afraid to die? 

I answered no without hesitation. I have never really been afraid to die. The idea of dieing doesn't scare me. The idea of being dead isn't scary to me either. I think part of me actually was surprised by myself that I answered so quickly. 

Here is my reasoning;

Why should I be afraid of something I don't have any control over. If I spend my life worrying about dieing then I will just be forgotten. If I spend my life making a difference I am much more likely to be remembered. What kind of a life did I live if I never change anyone or never touch someone's heart? 

Are you guys afraid to die?  Am I over looking some huge piece to this puzzle? 

To you,

I am not sure if you know this but you literally blow my mind. Between the two of us we have a saying that is an emotional orgasm. For the rest of you that is basically... Well it's... Hmm this is harder to explain. It's that moment when your heart feels like it might bubble over with emotions. Most of the time if it's an emotional orgasm the emotions are a connection or an understanding between two people. But sometimes it's the overwhelming feeling of caring or sometimes I have them with the realization of something. Over the last month that we have been ish in a relationship I have had more of these than I think I can count. 

Last night when I called you while in literal agony from the pain in my "left flank" as the hospital puts it. You told me you wouldn't stay all night. At first I was a little hurt but I realized I was being a story book woman for wanting you to stay if you didn't offer. I finally got some pain meds and then I was told I was staying for observation. You followed me upstairs in my gown where the stripe of blue undergarments was definitally visable. You had me settled and made sure the doctors knew what was going on. After a while you even crawled into bed with me and cuddled till I felt better. When my fever got to high you grabbed my nurse and when my stomach rejected all of the food I had eaten you held me and rubbed my back till I had nothing left. 

After a while I finally fell asleep and we were woken up for a vital check sometime in that grey area of late night or early morning. You said you should go home and I wished you well and thanked you. What you did next made my heart swell bigger than ever. You crawled under my heated blankets and layed right there with me till morning. You stayed. I mean we have adult sleep over a lot, ok maybe a little to frequently but having one in the hospital is a little different. You blew my mind. 

Now as we lay in my bed in my apartment I am having an emotional orgasm about you. I am blown away. You stayed last night. You take care of me. You spend time with me. You look at my photos. You understand sometimes. And if you don't you listen. You and I run different lives but somehow in this twisted crazy almost romantic world we live in they fit together like soggy puzzle pieces. I am struck with an over whelm in bubbling heart and I am falling hard. Christophe you amaze me. 

Disclaimer: I am not planning a wedding or a life together which normally I already have planned I am living for the day. I am emotionally connected to you and it blows my mind! One step at a time and this will stay the healthy fun easy going relationship we had...