My night is not sun shining

What makes it harder and harder is when that piece of hope slips. Every once in a while you feel it. You know you are holding into bad hope but then all of the sudden with no warning or note the hope pieces crumble like egg shells. There is no picking them back up and there is ok making it work. I want to so bad I want to glue all the pieces together and I want it to go back I want to rewind. I want my hope back I want to believe again. I can't. The world is terrible and everything about it is just as bad. I am such a bitch recently. But hell how can anyone else love me. Fuck I hate myself so there is no way. I know why I don't have friends and I am trying. It's freaking in possible.

I am going to wallow in alcohol and alice in wonderland. Have a great snow day Philadelphia. 

Em