I smiled today.

I am really sorry about being completely MIA for an entire month. Needless to say I haven't had much to say anyways. School, work, photography, I was just going through the motions. I tried being by myself. I tried constantly being around people. I tried losing my self. I tried rebounds. I have tried ALOT of things. I am finding I actually kind of like who I am now. Here is the thing that is really baffling my mind right now. Why did I hate myself so much when I was with her? Its because she made me feel like someone who was terrible. No matter who I tried to be or what I tried to do I could always be doing this or should have done that. The only thing she ever loved was be breaking up her brother. I love her! and honestly if she called I would do anything for her and she knows it. but I am making friends. I have people who care about me and tell me the things I do are cool and enjoy seeing me. and hang out with me. People who like to talk to me and just call me because. Who think of me because they wonder if I am doing ok. I have GREAT people in my life. I know who I want to be today and that will change 15 times before noon tomorrow and that is COMPLETELY OK!!! I am still hurt and little things still set me off! but I am here. I am planning so many travel trips and photo excursions I can't even count them or begin to tell you about them. I mean if you want an idea go check out my Pinterest. I typically tend to pin them all anyways! I know what I want and I have a plan to get there. I am an adult and I am learning that you trip you fall and you pick yourself back up. That is the thing in life you learn to love. The greatest part is: I DO NOT NEED A MAN, A WOMEN, OR ANYONE ELSE TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD ANYMORE!!! I am a strong independent women and I can be that person by myself standing on my own two feet without another person on my spot light or even near my spot light. I LOVE IT!!!

Go out today do something that makes you feel empowered. make your self happy and make yourself smile! Do it. do it everyday! You will be so much happier and you will go in a direction you never thought possible! Smile genuinely!

Today's question

Today's question that is causing more anxiety than I care to say is who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What path do I take? I am just completely thrown. Its like every part of me wants to do so many different things. I feel like I am at that one part of a jigsaw puzzle where you have enough pieces put together to know that they are all there and they will go together but which piece goes where?  Part of me wants to move home and live in my parents house. I also want to move to Indy and live with a friend of mine and her family. Then I want to prove everyone wrong and make one hell of a home for myself in Philadelphia. I want to finish school then head to some other really exotic city. Today I want to hurry and finish school then move away just completely throw myself into traveling. I mean pick up and leave. Go somewhere and just wander my way around. No plans and nothing holding me anywhere. How do you make a choice. Everyday my life makes a choice and everyday and choice decides where I am going in life. How do you know you are making the right choice? what if I get part of the way down this road and I realize its not for me? Is it to late to back up and start over? UGH!!! How do you know!? How do you choose!? Help!!

Also check this out. I love it!

Why to never date a girl who travels. (Follow the link)

https://medium.com/better-humans/802c49b9141c

Don't forget I still need help!!!